Week 22a: The Realization of a Little Yellow Square

In September of 1997 I stepped off a plane in Lihue, Kauai and knew I had found my Home. It was my first and only visit of just 4 days that sufficiently fueled my burning desire to move some 5,000 miles from where I was living at the time. I have been blessed to reside on the Garden Island twice for a total of 10 years since that time. I have no doubt that no matter where I live for the rest of my days Kauai will always be Home to me.

On my last visit in 2014 I said a sorrowful goodbye to my precious dog Lilikoi who had been in the loving care of my ex since my return to the east cost in 2012. I was fortunate to be comforted by the feeling of her spirit wrapped around my neck and shoulders like a familiar cozy blanket just minutes after her final exhale. She kept me company, steadying my heart for about a day.

I spent the following month in mourning deeply missing her physical presence before I was able to feel her with me in spirit again. Now I feel her with me at all times.

Even still for a long time I couldn’t imagine returning to the island without her there to greet me at the airport as she always did with more enthusiasm than imaginable for a body so tiny. In fact I have not been back since.

On my movie poster there is a little yellow square that says Kauai 2017. Months ago I added to my POA the words Kauai immersion. This translated into rerecording all of my recordings with my favorite Hawaiian music in the background, so as to hear it every day. I peppered my subby by purposefully placing visual things (photos, heart shaped coral from a favorite beach, a knit lei) in my path so I would be reminded of home everywhere I look.

At first I noticed some resistance. There was a large part of me that longed to go but another part of me that felt residual sadness. The desire grew stronger quickly. When the crystal prism hanging in my window reflected rainbows all over my office I smiled and thought of Kauai. I began dancing hula to the Hawaiian background music on my recordings. When I was not listening to my recordings I found myself singing Hawaiian songs.

Recently I was blessed to receive a plane ticket as a gift! My flight is booked and I am SO excited for my 19 day actual immersion beginning May 21^st.

Which leaves me with the unanswered question- now what shall I place in the little yellow square?